Welcome back to the other side...I'm I normal yet?

It's so easy not to do a lot of things now that I'm living in the land with everything to do.....

It's easy not to blog, easy not to be joyful, not to witness, not to depend on G, easy... it's all easy in the land that I now live in.

A friend and I traveled to a conference this past weekend. It was a conference to help weird M's like us re-enter this society and readjust to life now. Yes, its been a little over four months since I've been home, but the conference, fellowship, and encouragement was nice to have...and in the perfect timing. As we sat and sang, praised, cried, and rejoiced with old friends, it was amazing to see where each of us had come from... Two East TN girls - one to Asia, the other to Africa and back, A Texan with a heart of gold to an unreached people group, a guy with a breaking heart for his people in ravaged Egypt...women who fought sickness and desperation in SE Asia and even a Kentuckian who traveled the mnts of S. America. People who saw great harvest and those who saw none. Just an awesome time....a whole world of people coming together in a tiny room in N.C., full circle for the Glory of God.

On the way home, my friend and I talked a lot about our frustrations, our feelings since being "home," and what we are supposed to do next. Finding the line/balance between resting and being restored vs. continuing to serve and pour-out our lives is hard. And, truth be told I still haven't found that balance. It would be really easy to sit in this little box and never leave, but the rest of the world is still spinning on! So I'm still searching, still digging....where is "it" at? "It" being the next step in life....to stay and plug in, serve or to go and learn and rest and grow? I suppose only time will tell what the next season will be. We also talked about how we felt guilty. Guilty to leave again, to let people down again by leaving and what sometimes felt like having self-centered/inward focused goals and dreams. Wanting to change this world, this culture, the things we see, but feeling so incapable...like its too big, too much. And then in the same breath here comes the guilt for wanting to walk away because we know we can't change it.

My feelings/wants/desires are all over the place right now. But apparently, according to "them" this is all normal and then in the same breath, "they" say you'll never feel normal again.

I could change the world, I could find new purpose and joy. But, for the moment, it's easy not to......

Still striving to be Beautiful Feet