Today I was reminded that I am young...
Today, I got a phone call at work from a very dear, wise friend. As we were chatting, she asked me how my school was going and how long it will be until I'm finished. Oh, ever the question I dread. I've learned to laugh it off and say, "oh, I'll be in school until Jesus comes back." Being the short term, non-goal oriented girl that I am the answer to that question the question, is discouraging at best.
I'm the girl that is guilty of comparison, among other things. I compare myself to the girl who just finished her seminary degree and is now back overseas. I compare myself to the newly wed who came home from her two-year term and found the "one." I compare myself to other people my age; the ones with the 4 children, the dog, the house and the white picket fence. I hold myself up against the rest of the world.
In my mind at least, I put myself in a race. The race to finish school, the race to get married, the race to do it all, now! I must hurry. The Mayans are coming...maybe. Jesus is definitely coming and there's work to be done. I must hurry. How long will this take, this school thing...it will be years, years??!!?? I walk around muttering things like, "the plan is in 3 years..." "Well, I'm hoping just a few years..." Today, when my sweet friend called and asked the dreaded question, she didn't respond with, "oh, wow. Well, it will go by quicker than you think." She didn't lie and say, "that's not too bad." She said the words that only a wise and beautiful woman who has truly lived life could say..."You my dear are so young, you've got your whole life."
At first I rejected the idea. I'm 28 years old with 3 years experience for crying out loud. I don't have time to wait, I don't have time to be here and I'm definitely NOT young. I'm not sure if it was the bore of the debates, Bob Goff's article I read (If you don't know Bob Goff, Google him), or just the Lord speaking to His child, but I realized a very simple fact. She was right, relatively speaking, I'm young. And then, then I realized something else... I've got time. I've spent the last several years of my life almost in an internal hurry, a constant state of discouragement or longing to be done with whatever it is I need to be done with to get on to the next stage of my life. I push, at least inwardly. But look at what He has done in His time. I never in a million years could have imagined my life and what He has given.
By social American "standards" the girl from TN doesn't have much. I haven't finished my degree, I live in a small 2 bedroom apt known as 525B with mismatched furniture and a boxed TV that disturbs me. There are no Louboutin shoes in my closet, I have no husband, no Mercedes, no children, I haven't achieved the great career or a powerful status in society. I am imperfect to say the least, I'm not tall, thin or Miss America and I have a found scar the size of a dime on my left leg. That is one view.
The other view is this...this girl from TN got to tell 150+ kids this weekend about East Asian people and how they need Jesus. My apartment is small but it has a second bedroom because someday I hope to use that for someone in need. There are shoes, they'll always be shoes, but they are from Target or secondhand. And no there isn't a husband or children, but their are trips around the world with faces of children I won't forget. The girl that I am grew up between chicken farms and hayfields, but now spends trip between rice paddies and oceans. At least once sometimes twice a year I find myself in a foreign land, with strange surroundings that terrify me, but the times glorify Father. I drive a Saturn with no power locks or doors but the money I save helps me to sponsor a Compassion child in Thailand. And the scar, the scar is from lack of medical care from living in East Asia and a doctor who was perhaps a bit scalpel happy. The scar I am proud of.
I say all of this not to brag or say look at me and my sacrifice. These aren't really sacrifices at all. This is more of a reminder to me of the things that Father has allowed me to see, do, and the blessings He has given me. Oh, the blessings that look absolutely like nothing I ever dreamed or imagined they would.
I am young. I could decide tomorrow to be a doctor and work for Doctors without Borders, I could go to law school and work for IJM (International Justice Mission), I could write a book about mission work or stories for kids. I could work to fight against human trafficking or be an ESL teacher in a local public school. I could compare myself to the billions of other people in the world around me or I could just be me. I could stop hurrying, stop trying to figure out when school will or will not be done and be here, 100% here with joy and thankfulness everyday, all the time. I could be content to work in an office creating bulletins for Sunday, helping pastors figure out lunches for students, and fielding phone calls that might possibly turn into conversations that are blog worthy.
So right now, I'm praying that our Father will give me a joy for each moment of each day and laughter about the future. I'm asking Him to help me to not forget about these moments. I'm praying that He will help me remember that whether I'm starting something or quitting one of my hair-brained ideas, all that matters is He and I and that I abide in Him fully for everything. I'm asking Him to remind me to quit hurrying and just be.
Thank you Father for reminding me that even though my life may not look like everyone else's, I am loved and I am yours...
"Oh, taste and see that the Lord, He is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him."Psalm 34:8
Beautiful, young, Feet
I'm the girl that is guilty of comparison, among other things. I compare myself to the girl who just finished her seminary degree and is now back overseas. I compare myself to the newly wed who came home from her two-year term and found the "one." I compare myself to other people my age; the ones with the 4 children, the dog, the house and the white picket fence. I hold myself up against the rest of the world.
In my mind at least, I put myself in a race. The race to finish school, the race to get married, the race to do it all, now! I must hurry. The Mayans are coming...maybe. Jesus is definitely coming and there's work to be done. I must hurry. How long will this take, this school thing...it will be years, years??!!?? I walk around muttering things like, "the plan is in 3 years..." "Well, I'm hoping just a few years..." Today, when my sweet friend called and asked the dreaded question, she didn't respond with, "oh, wow. Well, it will go by quicker than you think." She didn't lie and say, "that's not too bad." She said the words that only a wise and beautiful woman who has truly lived life could say..."You my dear are so young, you've got your whole life."
At first I rejected the idea. I'm 28 years old with 3 years experience for crying out loud. I don't have time to wait, I don't have time to be here and I'm definitely NOT young. I'm not sure if it was the bore of the debates, Bob Goff's article I read (If you don't know Bob Goff, Google him), or just the Lord speaking to His child, but I realized a very simple fact. She was right, relatively speaking, I'm young. And then, then I realized something else... I've got time. I've spent the last several years of my life almost in an internal hurry, a constant state of discouragement or longing to be done with whatever it is I need to be done with to get on to the next stage of my life. I push, at least inwardly. But look at what He has done in His time. I never in a million years could have imagined my life and what He has given.
By social American "standards" the girl from TN doesn't have much. I haven't finished my degree, I live in a small 2 bedroom apt known as 525B with mismatched furniture and a boxed TV that disturbs me. There are no Louboutin shoes in my closet, I have no husband, no Mercedes, no children, I haven't achieved the great career or a powerful status in society. I am imperfect to say the least, I'm not tall, thin or Miss America and I have a found scar the size of a dime on my left leg. That is one view.
The other view is this...this girl from TN got to tell 150+ kids this weekend about East Asian people and how they need Jesus. My apartment is small but it has a second bedroom because someday I hope to use that for someone in need. There are shoes, they'll always be shoes, but they are from Target or secondhand. And no there isn't a husband or children, but their are trips around the world with faces of children I won't forget. The girl that I am grew up between chicken farms and hayfields, but now spends trip between rice paddies and oceans. At least once sometimes twice a year I find myself in a foreign land, with strange surroundings that terrify me, but the times glorify Father. I drive a Saturn with no power locks or doors but the money I save helps me to sponsor a Compassion child in Thailand. And the scar, the scar is from lack of medical care from living in East Asia and a doctor who was perhaps a bit scalpel happy. The scar I am proud of.
I say all of this not to brag or say look at me and my sacrifice. These aren't really sacrifices at all. This is more of a reminder to me of the things that Father has allowed me to see, do, and the blessings He has given me. Oh, the blessings that look absolutely like nothing I ever dreamed or imagined they would.
I am young. I could decide tomorrow to be a doctor and work for Doctors without Borders, I could go to law school and work for IJM (International Justice Mission), I could write a book about mission work or stories for kids. I could work to fight against human trafficking or be an ESL teacher in a local public school. I could compare myself to the billions of other people in the world around me or I could just be me. I could stop hurrying, stop trying to figure out when school will or will not be done and be here, 100% here with joy and thankfulness everyday, all the time. I could be content to work in an office creating bulletins for Sunday, helping pastors figure out lunches for students, and fielding phone calls that might possibly turn into conversations that are blog worthy.
So right now, I'm praying that our Father will give me a joy for each moment of each day and laughter about the future. I'm asking Him to help me to not forget about these moments. I'm praying that He will help me remember that whether I'm starting something or quitting one of my hair-brained ideas, all that matters is He and I and that I abide in Him fully for everything. I'm asking Him to remind me to quit hurrying and just be.
Thank you Father for reminding me that even though my life may not look like everyone else's, I am loved and I am yours...
"Oh, taste and see that the Lord, He is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him."Psalm 34:8
Beautiful, young, Feet
Comments
Don't forget that your father told the Lord at 37 years of age he was too old to be a preacher of the Gospel.
Isaiah 55:8-9
Love ya, Beautiful Lady of the Lord!