When a Friend Goes Silent
Mission work and living overseas doesn't look like it did when Lottie Moon set off to sea in the late 1800's. In addition to technology and the modern world that has developed, Bryan and I live in a 1st world country and an incredibly safe one at that. I have a spacious house to live in...no dirt floors, no mud walls. I have air conditioning and heating, when I choose to use it. I have transportation, internet, and ample food. Rather than taking a 2-3 months journey to arrive, it took me less than 3 days door to door. I came not with my coffin packed with my belongings, but luggage packed full of clothes, decorations, food items, books and electronic devices. I've often wonder how workers many years ago received funding and what if there was an emergency? Where would that support come from and how long did it take to arrive? The offering that bares her name provides me with financing wired to my bank account every month. Doctors and healthcare are available via email or within a short 15 minute drive from my house. My life, my work, my safety pale in comparison to Lottie's as well as to others around the world.
And yet, it's still so hard.
The past few months, I've been quiet on social media, with text, phone calls and so forth. I wonder if there were times and months with Lottie Moon, Amy Carmichael, Hudson Taylor and our other heroes in which they just didn't feel like writing and just didn't. Life was too discouraging. The fear of being negative and seen as a "debbie downer" outweighed the desire to communicate. Or perhaps as somedays here, there just isn't anything to say. Language, dinner, study, emails, study, bed. Tomorrow will be the same with what feels like little purpose and change. So we don't write, we don't post, we don't speak. Quiet, seems better than sharing all the negative, all the hard, all the real of living overseas.
And then there is how we paint missions work and the expectations that I even place on myself. I'm a Believer, I'm not supposed to be like the people around me. I'm supposed to have joy, be content, trust and hope. I'm not supposed to be tired or exhausted or lazy. I'm supposed to be different. If I'm honest, I've doubted and been shaken in my faith this year more than my entire spiritual walk combined together. So there is that...
Then there is the expectation to be a spiritual superhero for all to see. But, here I sit on a train...tired, unmotivated and feeling like the world's worst missionary. Angry at my language teacher...check. Discouraged in my progress of sharing the Gospel...check. Conflict with team members or even my own husband....check. I'm not so different. So I stay quiet. Maybe, just maybe, no one will notice.
But then you get the message, the text, the email...."Hey, you've been on my heart and mind. How are you really doing? How can I pray?" And you realize not only does He know, but He sees and is using a friend, facebook group follower or church member to show you His love and grace. You know that you are NOT alone in this journey. He calls you to continue to cry, continue to hurt, continue to struggle in your messy, difficult, sin-filled life. Not because you are some awesome missionary or super person, but because He is asking you to trust Him as His child. Speak for Him, witness and bare light for Him and at the very foundation of who you are...just be His Child, even on the days when it is sleep, study, fail, eat, cry, study, repeat.
Being a Believer is hard, being a missionary is hard. This year I think more than ever He is calling met to trust Him, believe His word and just follow. When a friend, a co-worker, a missionary, and ministry partner, a family member goes silent, be the friend that reaches out, gives them grace and journey's alongside of them.
Beautiful, somewhat quiet, Feet
And yet, it's still so hard.
The past few months, I've been quiet on social media, with text, phone calls and so forth. I wonder if there were times and months with Lottie Moon, Amy Carmichael, Hudson Taylor and our other heroes in which they just didn't feel like writing and just didn't. Life was too discouraging. The fear of being negative and seen as a "debbie downer" outweighed the desire to communicate. Or perhaps as somedays here, there just isn't anything to say. Language, dinner, study, emails, study, bed. Tomorrow will be the same with what feels like little purpose and change. So we don't write, we don't post, we don't speak. Quiet, seems better than sharing all the negative, all the hard, all the real of living overseas.
And then there is how we paint missions work and the expectations that I even place on myself. I'm a Believer, I'm not supposed to be like the people around me. I'm supposed to have joy, be content, trust and hope. I'm not supposed to be tired or exhausted or lazy. I'm supposed to be different. If I'm honest, I've doubted and been shaken in my faith this year more than my entire spiritual walk combined together. So there is that...
Then there is the expectation to be a spiritual superhero for all to see. But, here I sit on a train...tired, unmotivated and feeling like the world's worst missionary. Angry at my language teacher...check. Discouraged in my progress of sharing the Gospel...check. Conflict with team members or even my own husband....check. I'm not so different. So I stay quiet. Maybe, just maybe, no one will notice.
But then you get the message, the text, the email...."Hey, you've been on my heart and mind. How are you really doing? How can I pray?" And you realize not only does He know, but He sees and is using a friend, facebook group follower or church member to show you His love and grace. You know that you are NOT alone in this journey. He calls you to continue to cry, continue to hurt, continue to struggle in your messy, difficult, sin-filled life. Not because you are some awesome missionary or super person, but because He is asking you to trust Him as His child. Speak for Him, witness and bare light for Him and at the very foundation of who you are...just be His Child, even on the days when it is sleep, study, fail, eat, cry, study, repeat.
Being a Believer is hard, being a missionary is hard. This year I think more than ever He is calling met to trust Him, believe His word and just follow. When a friend, a co-worker, a missionary, and ministry partner, a family member goes silent, be the friend that reaches out, gives them grace and journey's alongside of them.
Beautiful, somewhat quiet, Feet
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